


Cracks and Erosion

by orphan_account



Category: In a Heartbeat (Short Film)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Boys In Love, Bullying, Crush, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Language, Pre-Canon, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 01:21:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11772522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Whether the walls one puts up erode gradually or are cracked open by force, there is an equal opportunity for the vulnerabilities within to be destroyed by cruel forces or nurtured through understanding and love.





	Cracks and Erosion

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: It's been three years since I last wrote a fanfic, so I hope this longer than usual oneshot isn't a total train wreck, especially since I got tired near the end of the editing phase. What was initially loosely inspired by the Heathers song of “Fight for Me” ended up morphing into a its own thing where this all takes place before the events of the short film. I hope you enjoy!

Sherwin's mind barely registered the professor's history lecture, his freckled cheek resting on one hand while the other hand absentmindedly drew random pencil designs in the side margin of his lined notebook. He was lost in the grey lines of nonsense and soft pencil scrapes, his mind willing to focus on something else until PE next period. His mind settled into thoughts about the new guy that joined the ninth grade about two weeks ago. Aside from the fact that his name was Jonathan, that he had quickly grown popular among the students, and that they shared the same PE and English classes, Sherwin didn't interact with him much outside of class, much like how he interacted with everyone else there. Yet, it was interesting to him to observe how he seemed to react to the his newfound fame and popularity. Some of the successful students would be more than ready to talk about their achievements. However, whenever teachers or other students praised Jonathan's achievements, his sky blue eyes would turn down shyly, mentioning how it wasn't that big a deal as he scratched the back of his neck. When the two were assigned as book discussion partners in English class, Sherwin didn't expect for him to warm up to Jonathan the way that he did. Not only did Johnathan not immediately shun him, but he found out that they actually had some things in common like how they both liked to listen to Broadway songs, agreed that their required philosophy class was boring, and they had an interest in similar video games. Now that he found out that this popular new guy wasn't as stuck up as the rest, it made him more curious about this guy.  
  
_“Very strange for such a popular guy.”_ Sherwin thought.  
  
The bell rang marking the transition from history to PE. Today, PE passed by quicker than he expected. It was a more relaxed day where the class played four corner soccer. It was one of the few games where everyone enjoyed themselves, something that Sherwin rarely felt in the competitive and often humiliating environment that PE ended up instilling. While clumsy at times, the redhead was average in terms of athletic abilities, so he grew annoyed with the jock athletes who believe themselves to be superior, not allowing others much of a chance to prove themselves just to show off. At least in soccer everyone knows how to kick a ball into a net. Sherwin and Jonathan were assigned to the same team which put him at ease. Over the course of the game, he noticed that the two of them ended up staying fairly close together, passing the ball and taking turns between shooting for goals and playing the role of defence. Even when one of them glanced toward the other for directions, Sherwin's heart beat fast for something wasn't the result of the extraneous activity. He tried to not think too hard about it.  
  
Student chatter echoed across the school halls, a monotonous rumble when you don't focus on in on people's conversations. The redhead's fingers clutched tighter at his gym bag as he reached his locker. Sherwin's normally curious mind learned to turn off for a bit in this sort of scenario. Being eyed at by others in the school with confusion, disdain, even disgust was one thing, he just wanted to ignore the things that people would mutter behind his back. Managing to keep a straight face didn't change the fact they were right about him and his...preferences. His hands clicked the combination lock and swung the brown metal locker open to throw his gym bag inside. He pushed aside his coding books and novels for English class to pull out his uniform for band practice.  
  
“Hi, Jonathan!” a slight breeze brushed his legs as a herd of girls flew past Sherwin's locker flocking over to Jonathan. Sherwin forced himself to stare at the inside of his locker for a few seconds before peering past his open locker door. Jonathan's locker was on the same wall, a distance of several paces. Surrounded by other girls, his signature smile on display as he nodded and spoke politely to them. Sherwin couldn't help but be slightly amazed at how unlike his own messy locks, Jonathan's able to maintain his sleek dark brown hair after all the running around that they just went through. In an odd way, he was impressed at how Johnathan managed to remain the same, charming person to all he meets. Sherwin could care less about that public persona though. He liked the Jonathan that made PE tolerable with his guidance and tips, the one who he laughed over lame jokes with, the one who treated him like a person. Being seen as a valid person by someone he normally wouldn't expect this sort of treatment from, that was more than enough for Sherwin.  
  
Next thing he knew, his locker door slammed into his face. He dropped his backpack and band uniform to the floor and his hands held his throbbing nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding. His lanky body was slammed into the lockers. Laughter, gasps, the sound of several pairs of feet closing in. Sherwin shook his head to clear up the sounds.  
  
“Piss off, gay nerd. Ya ain't got a chance with him.” Sherwin looked up to find the snobby blonde Brad and his muscular pal Walter smile their cocky smirks. Panicked, his eyes caught Jonathan's surprised expression only to quickly look away from the boy's tan face, his cheeks heating up. This was the only response that came as the pair of guys punched him in the stomach and kicked him in the groin. Sherwin let out a cry as a sharp pain spread throughout his lower stomach, sinking down to his knees with his hair bushing against the tile floor. He did his best to focus on catching his breath, anything to block out the laughter of the crowds, the sudden nausea in his lower stomach, the metallic taste of blood from his nose that flowed into his upper lip.  
  
“Hey, stop hurting him!” Like ripples caused by a stone thrown into the water, Jonathan's voice boomed and lowered the volume students in the the crowded hallway. This was followed by a the metallic slam of a locker being smacked shut. Sherwin shook as lifted his head to see what was happening. Looking into his classmate's clenched face and furrowed brow, his fury was prominent. But, there was something else. Jonathan's face now had an additional reddish hue. It had to be his imagination. Or the lighting in the hallway? Or maybe...? Jonathan stormed over, his fist cracked into Brad's jaw and shoved Walter away into the lockers. He spun around to run to Sherwin only for Walter to yank him back by his school shirt holding him there for Brad gut punch him.  
  
Time seemed to slow for Sherwin, noises muffled as his attention focused on Jonathan's outstretched arm. Using what strength his legs had, his legs pushed themselves up, albeit while they wobbled like jelly and felt about as secure as a castle of cards.  
  
_“Come on, come on...”_ Sherwin thought. He stumbled towards Jonathan and reached out his his arm. His noticed the crimson drops of blood on his pale hand and chose to ignore it. Sherwin took Jonathan's tan hand and yanked him away from Brad and Walter. His legs gave way underneath him as the pair collapsed on to the ground where Jonathan landed on top of Sherwin's chest. The weight on his chest disappeared just as quickly as he pushed himself off of Sherwin to sit on his knees.  
  
“Hey! What's going on here?!” Stunned gasps and whispers turned to find the school's principal, a middle aged man in a brown suit, make his way through the crowd to the scene. Sherwin and Jonathan scrambled up to their feet while Brad pointed a finger at Johnathan.  
  
“This new kid tried to beat the crap out of me!”  
  
“Y-you started it!” yelled Sherwin.  
  
“Yeah? Well, Superman over here shouldn't have interfered!” Walter added.  
  
“And just let you do this to him?” Jonathan gestured at Sherwin.  
  
“Enough!” the principal shouted. “Brad, Walter, I'll be seeing you both in detention for all of next week.” The principal turned on his heels to Sherwin and Jonathan. “You two, come with me.”  
  
Sherwin threw his band uniform into his locker, slung his backpack over his shoulder, and joined Jonathan as they were escorted away down some less crowded halls towards the principal's office. They approached the nurse's office as it was on the way.  
  
“Wait here a moment.” The principal entered the room leaving the two boys waiting outside. Moments passed with only the muffled conversation on the other side of the door to listen to. Sherwin spoke at an attempt to break the silence.  
  
“You should get checked out too.”  
  
“Nah, I'm alright.” Jonathan quickly muttered, crossing his arms and kept his eyes down.  
  
“Alright, Sherwin. The nurse is ready for you. Jonathan, why don't you come with me and explain what happened?” Jonathan nodded and started walking after him. Sherwin's hand pulled open the door knob, stepped into the nurse's office, and closed the door behind him.  
  
A young woman with her black hair up in a ponytail led Sherwin to sit on the edge of an unused cot. He was only half listening to her, following along with her orders as needed. Pinching some napkins on his nose to stop his nosebleed. Lifting his up his sweater and shirt for her to inspect the bluish bruises already forming across his stomach. Nothing appeared to be broken or seriously damaged, thankfully. Aside from the bruising, he should be fine. Once finished, he thanked the nurse and exited the room tossing the bloodied napkins into the trashcan on the way out.  
  
The sweet smell of the fresh air outside was greatly welcomed now that his nose was mostly clear of blood. Sherwin sat on the steps, taking in the peace and quiet. It's good to know that basically all of the students were gone by this point with only some students still there for clubs or sports practice. Sherwin's head glanced slightly to the left. Further on past the parking lot that contained the last school buses waiting for the last batch of students, the road led on into the central city suburbs, filled with mostly apartment complexes. He had thoughts about heading home. But what about Jonathan? Sherman took off his backpack and held it in his lap, getting himself comfortable for what could be a long wait. The least he could do for Jonathan was wait for him.  
  
Sherwin ended up being interested in fiddling with a stray leaf that fell by his feet from a nearby tree, twirling the stem of the leaf around in his fingers. Inspecting the small, green leaf with its intricate patterns didn't stop him from thinking about the intricacies that Jonathan seemed to have. He sure as hell didn't expect that Jonathan would be capable of doing something like that. Sure, the boy was a strong and talented softball player, but did he honestly think that he could take on two people at once?  
  
Jonathan certainly didn't do it for attention, he already had that. He fought for him. Out of all the people that it could have been, he risked his reputation to protect him. He leaned back on his hands, his eyes taking in the bright blue sky as it all clicked into place. Everything that Jonathan did whenever they were together was genuine. The real Jonathan he's grown to know over the past two weeks managed to erode away the walls he put up around himself for so long. Jonathan's action today was the last needed to break through into his heart. He wanted to stay at Jonathan's side. They'd be able to lean on each other, guide each other through the no man's land that school could be.  
  
_“Monday morning. I'll hopefully have enough courage to do it then.”_ His heart began to pound hard in his chest, threatening to burst out in excitement at his decision. His arms crossed over his chest in a lame, futile attempt to not feel the pounding within. A few deep breaths helped to lessen his heartbeat and refocus his mind.  
  
\---  
  
Jonathan left the principal's office in a less than stellar mood. The principal called his father to let him know that his son was involved in a fight. After conversing for a few minutes, the principal hung up.  
  
“Your father wanted me to tell you he'll be late in picking you up. Do you want me to call someone to bring you home?”  
  
“No, it's fine, I can wait.” Jonathan's father worked two jobs, so he was used to waiting back at the school to be picked up after softball practice.  
  
A clock in the hallway read 4:30pm. The school was practically deserted, no students left in sight now that almost all of them have left the school at that point. His footfalls echoed eerily as he made his way back to his locker to pick up his backpack. He shut his locker and surveyed the hallway. It appeared wider, more open now compared to earlier when the hall seemed so much smaller with students on all sides crammed together to watch the action. He shook his head, his hair now somewhat ruffled, and proceeded to the school's main entrance. What he didn't expect to see was Sherwin sitting on the stairs, his head tilted back and eyes closed as he took in the warm rays of the sun.  
  
“You're still here?” Sherwin fell backwards at his voice.  
  
“Sorry about that. I just figured you'd be on your way home by now. You waiting for a ride as well?”  
  
“No, my home is just fifteen minutes walking down that street over there past the parking lot, over where the other apartment blocks are. It's not that far.” Sherwin's finger pointed down the way. “What about you?”  
  
“My dad's going to pick me up after work. He's unable to leave now, he did just start there and all.”  
  
“At least you won't be waiting alone. If you don't mind having me here, of course?”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Yeah. Besides, I texted my mom to let her know that I'd be staying out a bit later anyways.”  
  
“Wow. Uh, thanks.” Jonathan joined Sherwin on the stairs warm with the sun's residual heat. Several moments pass by in silence, the pair growing accustomed to each other's presence as they took in the rustling of the leaves in the trees and the cool breeze that brought some relief in their warm school uniforms. Thinking back on the past two weeks, Johnathan rarely had such a peaceful moment like this. The move, getting up to speed with his new school classes, and softball have all kept him on his toes.  
  
_“At least this is a nice change of pace.”_ He thought. After a while, Jonathan began to get antsy, his leg bouncing. Once one got used to being busy, it doesn't take long to feel the need to be doing something. He pulled off his backpack and opened their current novel for English class _Lord of the Flies_ , filled with sticky notes he placed for certain quotations that might be useful in their essay later.  
  
“Still trying to get through that?” Sherwin groaned.  
  
“Hey, I don't like the book either. I'm just trying to get some ideas for that essay we need to write.” He flipped through the pages, though not really reading any of it.  
“Yeah, I'm bouncing for joy at the idea of writing about a book that involves guys close to our age bullying and killing other guys that are considered freaks.” A chill ran through Jonathan's spine. Yeah, considering what just happened, it definitely hits too close to home. Johnathan threw the book back into his backpack.  
  
“Why did I have to go punch him?” Jonathan mumbled to himself.  
  
“I don't know, it's not like I was begging for you to rescue me.”  
  
“I know, but I couldn't just let them treat you like that.”  
  
“Still, why did you chose to fight for me? Honestly, I didn't think you'd be the type to get upset enough to fight someone. ” Jonathan stared down at the chipped stone steps below them. He felt so ashamed that he let himself snap and have Sherwin, along with a lot of the student body, see that.  
  
“So did I, Sherwin.” he mumbled back. Deep in thought, Sherwin spoke softly in recollection.  
  
“You looked different- no, not different. You were still you and all, but you know...?” Sherwin's eyes looked to Jonathan hoping for clarification only to receive a confused expression.  
  
“Yeah, I know I'm not explaining it very well. Anyways, if you don't mind me asking, what came over you back ? I mean, you're already a bit of a celebrity here without needing to add bad boy on to the list.”  
  
What a lot of people don't understand is that Jonathan doesn't actively seek attention, it just sort of ends up finding him. He'll be doing things that he enjoys or do well in his classes and that ends up drawing more people toward him. He grew comfortable and enjoyed being admired for his skills and accomplishments. However, with the recent move to this prestigious private school, the praise was starting to get to him. He was held up in such high acclaim when he arrived, he doesn't know whether or not he'll be able to continue to meet those high expectations of his peers.  
  
Arguably, he's doing fine. Still his stomach churned when he thought about what would happen if he somehow slipped away from that perfect image he ended up embodying. He didn't know if the accusation of Sherwin being gay was true or not, but that apparently didn't matter to those bullies. That was more than enough to ridicule and hurt that sweet, kind hearted boy. Jonathan began:

“This is gonna sound weird, but the way they spoke to you, it just began to feel a bit too...personal.”

“Personal how, exactly?” Sherwin asked. Jonathan's heart dropped to his stomach, now uncertain whether he wanted to bring it up at all. His voice got caught by a lump in his throat which prevented him from continuing. Hot dampness began to build up behind his eyes, his gaze fell to his knees, his vision became clouded and blurry.  
  
“Jonathan? What is it?” He couldn't take it anymore. Shaky sobs escaped his throat and he clamped his eyes shut, those first tear drops fell were absorbed by the cloth of his pants. Sherwin's lanky figure immediately pulled him into a strong hug. Jonathan collapsed into his arms without objection, burying his face into his shoulder. Sobs overtook his ability to properly speak.  
  
“I-I'm scared, alright? I know that's hard to believe, b-but I-!”  
  
“Shhh. You're okay. Just let it out.” Sherwin whispered gently, his hands gingerly stroking Johnathan's back. His arms wrapped and clung onto Sherwin as his cries and sobs were muffled by his shoulder. And let it out he did. All the anxiety, fear, confusion, and frustration. He felt that he needed to let this all out before he could make sense of all that he was feeling about his situation. Eventually, the stream of tears dried out, Jonathan brought his face up high enough to rest his chin on Sherwin's shoulder. Jonathan's breath eventually matched the same rhythm as Sherwin's, their chests rising and falling in unison. The gentle movement sort of made him drowsy, but content.  
  
_“It's funny. I'm pretty sure neither of us expected this when we first met.”_ he thought. Two weeks ago, Sherwin resisted in talking or interacting with him unless it was necessary, his freckled face not truly looking at anything, his tone of voice flat. It caught Johnathan's attention considering that everyone else at that point were clamoring and tripping over themselves just to be their class partner, speak with him, or be asked out by multiple people to go out on a date with them. Those first few days consisted of awkward, stilted conversation, then to polite kindness, to quick sarcastic remarks, and now he melodious laughed and smiled at Jonathan's presence. A seed of trust was planted which sprouted into the bond that they now have with each other, whatever that might be. Whether it be through working together in PE class or trying to outdo each other on crazy theories to explain the ending of _The Giver_ in pair discussions in English class, those were the few times where he didn't have to maintain an image for others to see. Johnathan could let his guard down around Sherwin without fear of being judged. He was his equal. Considering their current situation where this awkward outcast welcomed him into his arms, ignoring the wet spot his tears had formed, Jonathan could only hope that meant that Sherwin thought of him the same way.  
  
“So what is it?” Sherwin asked. Johnathan pulled away, sniffed, and nodded. A moment passed as Johnathan ran through his mind to choose his words carefully.  
  
“If my circumstances were different, if the wrong people found out things about me they didn't like, especially some...certain aspects about myself, I would've been the one to be targeted, beaten, and mocked.” What was of particular concern was his attraction to boys which he came to terms with about a year ago. The tanned boy could easily see himself in Sherwin's place.  
  
“Then I'll stand by you.” Sherwin shuffled closer. “I mean, I'll probably not be the most helpful person, but you fought for me, so at least you wouldn't be alone.” Sherwin's red cheeks betrayed his unusually confident tone of voice. Johnathan's heart began to pound hard in his chest as they were sitting very close together. He briefly wondered whether or not Sherwin was experiencing the same thing.  
  
A car horn honked in the distance. The two boys physically jump away from each other. Jonathan pushed himself up to his feet and squinted. A small silver car was driving down the road beside the parking lot, arriving closer to the school.  
  
“There's my dad.” Jonathan sighed. The pair made their way down the stairs and walked the tree lined path towards the sidewalk.

“Please don't feel insecure about yourself, alright?” Sherwin said. “I'm certain that you'll be fine.”  
  
“Since when did you become a living, breathing fortune cookie?” Jonathan laughed, Sherwin laughed at himself too.

“But seriously, please continue to be you. The real you.” Both pairs of eyes turned their attention to the car exiting the parking lot and come towards them down the road.

“Hey once we return to school on Monday, I need to talk to you about something.”  
  
“Y-yeah, so do I, actually.” Sherwin replied, attention turned toward the direction his father car's was coming from. “My house is a couple of blocks that way, so I'll be fine walking. Bye, Jonathan!” Sherwin began on his way.

“W-wait!” Sherwin turned around confused.  
  
“Thank you. For being with me back there when I needed it.”

“Hey, it's no problem, Jona-”

“Jonny.” He cut in. “Call me Jonny.” A moment's hesitation, then a small smile spread father across his pale, freckled face. The natural, joyous light that beamed off him made Johnathan's stomach flutter in a giddy fashion making him momentarily forget the dull pain of the incoming stomach bruises.  
  
“Ok! See ya on Monday, Jonny!” With a quick wave, he began running down the street back home.

“See ya!” Jonathan waved back as his father's car stopped at the side of the road. His father shared the same tan hue as him and had a well maintained shaven beard. He just returned from one of his jobs at a construction site, his orange and yellow vest with matching helmet sitting in the backseat. The man's rough, labour worn fingers gripped the steering wheel as his light brown eyes met Jonathan's blue ones.  
  
“Hey, Jonathan.”  
  
“Hi dad.” Jonathan bit the corner of his lower lip as he seated himself in the front passenger seat, the car starting to move forward. He wanted to rip the band aid out right away just so that the rest of the ride home didn't consist of silence.  
  
“So...I'm probably grounded, right?”

“Yeah. You're grounded for the weekend.” his father answered. Jonathan muttered in agreement, not bothering to protest. He honestly didn't feel like going anywhere anyways.  
  
“The principal told me that you got into a fight to protect another student. Is that true?”  
  
“Y-yes.” Their car stopped at an intersection for a red stop light. His father took this moment to point behind him.  
  
“Was that the kid with the messy red hair that ran off just before?” Johnathan made a quick analysis of his father; the curiosity apparent in his eyes and voice. He didn't seem upset or suspicious of anything, so he answered.  
  
“Yeah. His name's Sherwin, one of my friends at school. He was getting beat up, so I tried to defend him.”

“Why was he there at the school with you at this hour? It did take a bit longer for me to finish than I expected to.”  
  
“He said he wanted to be sure I wasn't alone while waiting for you.”  
  
_“Would that come off as weird?”_ Jonathan wondered. He had no idea how his father would react if he found out his son had these feelings towards other boys. Maybe he'd be furious, or indifferent, or supportive. Besides, he saw no point in coming out to his father now, not when he himself was uncertain as to whether or not Sherwin actually liked him in that way. Johnathan quickly added: “Besides, he said that his house was a fifteen minute walk away from the school.”  
  
“Really?” The car turned onto their street in a suburban neighborhood. Jonathan heard his father breathe a smile of relief and smiled at him. “At least now you'd have someone near the school to hang out with.”  
  
“Really? Are you saying that I can visit him?” Jonathan got excited at the thought of being able to be with Sherwin more.  
  
“Of course! He sounds like a pretty good friend if you were willing to defend him. Besides, with my irregular hours, at least you'd have something better to do than just sit at home by yourself. You'd just have to let me know whether you want me to pick you up from the school or his place.” They were parking into their small, middle class house with a main floor and basement. This was quite a downgrade compared to their previous two storey home that Jonathan grew up for most of his life. Ever since his mother passed away a year ago due to a car crash, his father decided it'd be best to downgrade the house in order to ensure his son's private education would be manageable to pay.  
  
“Thanks dad. Both for allowing me to hang out with Sherwin and for doing what you can to help pay for school. Especially considering...” Both sat in the car with no need to explain further.  
  
“I miss her.” Jonathan pulled up his knees up to his chest, remembering how she taught him piano, guiding his fingers with her hand and how blue eyes shone with joy and love for him.  
  
“Me too. You have no idea how difficult it is for me to feel like I can properly do my job in order for you to study at a great school while also being able to pay for this place.” Johnathan couldn't help but give a dry chuckle.  
  
“Trust me, I think I understand the feeling of fear and self doubt better than you realize.” His father fell silent at his son's admission to feeling fearful. His large hand rubbed his son's shoulder, giving him a small, hopeful smile.  
  
“I know it's been hard. This move has been hard on us both.”

“It sure has been.” Jonathan answered honestly.  
  
“But I feel like we'll both be fine. Just hang in there, Jonny.” They stepped out of the car.  
  
“You're still grounded for the weekend, though.” One of his father's bushy eyebrows was raised with the reminder before going on ahead to open the front door.  
  
“Yeah, I figured. You gotta discipline your child at some point.” Johnathan followed behind. Jonathan didn't mind staying at home over the weekend. It would help give him time. Time to figure out how he was going to talk to Sherwin about his feelings.

 _“I'll tell him at during lunch,”_ he thought. _“I'm not sure how I'd have the time or courage to talk about it in the morning. Besides, nothing much happens on Monday mornings anyways, right?”_

 


End file.
